Cool Twitter/Facebook Updates

Post and see what happens!

• Memories make us who we are. Dreams make us who we will become.
• The awkward moment when you post a funny Facebook status, and that one person ruins it by saying something serious.
• Some people should use glue stick for lip balm.
• If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. That way you’ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes.
• Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
• That moment when you finish an awesome movie and you have to face the reality of your boring life.
• Once upon a time I smashed my face into my keyboard and accidentally wrote the 5th Twilight book.
• Why does my phone’s keyboard have a .com button but my computer doesn’t?
• That awkward moment when you’re left alone with someone you just met.
• I ask Google all the questions I’m too embarrassed to ask other people.
• Lazy Rule: Cant reach it. Don’t need it.
• Getting angry at people when we listen to them breathing or eating is called Misophonia, which is an actual brain disorder.
• Haven’t watched Seinfeld in years, yet I can quote every line.
• Instant relationship points:Next time you buy a card get a blank one and write the content of another card inside…. You’re welcome!

• When you’re walking then start texting and walk slower and slower and slower til you’re just standing there texting.
• I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
• ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Waiting for my crush to stop playing games.
• Ever notice how guys socialize by insulting each other but we really don’t mean it …and girls socialize by complimenting each other and they don’t mean it either…?? LIKE or SHARE if you agree!
• If you have someone in your life who laughs at the same crap you do, no matter how messed up it is, they are your soul mate.
• I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
• Facebook has become the girlfriend you no longer like but are scared to dump because you’ve invested so much time in the relationship.
• A teen brain is 80% song lyrics.
• If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
• The world would be a much cleaner place if we just gave blind people brooms instead of canes.
• If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not really your friends.
• I’m in a long distance relationship. My significant other is in the future.
• In a relationship: Everyone likes you. Single: No one likes you.
• LIKE if you’re guilty…You wash your dishes before putting in the dishwasher.

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Funny Status Updates For Facebook

Post these on your timeline and watch the likes roll in.

• The awkward moment when you’re at your friends house and your friend is getting yelled at so you just stand there and pet the dog.

• The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

• Two girls wear the same shirt: “She copied my style!” Two guys wear the same shirt: “BRO!”

• The awkward moment when you realize you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.

• I like turtles because they’re so chill. They don’t hurt anyone. They’re just like, “Hey man, I want to swim, and maybe eat some lettuce.”

• I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….

• Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.

• The awkward moment when you get a mini heart attack because you can’t feel your phone/iPod in your pocket.

• I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.

• Crocs: Making humans look like idiots since 2002.

• Lying in bed in the middle of the night trying to decide if it’s worth it to get up and pee or if you can hold it in until the morning..

• I hate that moment where everyone around me is in a relationship and I’m just sitting there like ‘I love food.’

• Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.

• Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power.

• Every now and then I stop and think “I know you can hear my thoughts”. Just in case…

• Whenever I see fishes in a tank, I feel the need to poke the glass and scare them.

• NO Adobe, I don’t EVER want to update so KNOCK it off!!!!

• Spend life with the people who make you happy, not the people who you have to impress.

• Crap happens, just flush it and move on.

• You’ve got a face even an Instagram filter couldn’t fix.

• Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn’t, stupid enough to do it anyway.

• LIKE IF you ever got caught in those “This is not what it looks like” moments.

• Reading a book & having to reread the same paragraph over and over because your thoughts are too distracting.

• I can’t live without: ✔ Food ✔ Music ✔ Oxygen ✔ Water ✔ Internet ❒ You

• I hate liars, hypocrites, & people who take advantage of people who care about them.

• Dating your Ex again is like buying your clothes back from Goodwill. There’s a reason you got rid of it in the first place.

• Jessica Simpson had her baby. Apparently, Kanye busted into the delivery room and said Beyonce had the best baby of all time.

• Rotating Your Dinner Plate, To Get A Better Look At The Situation.